fredschilton:

if you ever feel like a failure, just remember that jack crawford and the fbi arrested a vegan as the main suspect on a cannibal case

kushdrinker:

how to give a handjob:

1. grab boner mid-shaft

2. pump until confetti is released

3. party

maythefoxbewithyou:

He took a drink of my lemonade and then got mad because it was sour. Took it out on me!

MR KRABS, I WANNA GO TO BED!!!! .. squemp
"A good relationship is when two people accept each other’s past, support each other’s present, and love each other enough to encourage each other’s future. So don’t rush love. Find a partner who encourages you to grow, who won’t cling to you, who will let you go out into the world, and trust that you will come back. This is what true love is all about."

penoffen:

I think the funniest thing in Skyrim is when you’re walking along the road and you just see a random Fire Mage and a Frost Mage fighting each other like two sports fans wearing rival jerseys.

"Heard you talkin’ shit about Frost magic, ya punkass Fire mage!"